Learning to read and write is hard. The English language is based on a complex alphabetic code which is used to map the 50,000+ words an average adult can instantly recognize. To become a strong reader your child has to learn approximately 44 phonemes, variations in spellings, and the multiple meanings of words. It takes time, patience, and perseverance to become a fluent reader. Building strong social emotional skills that support self regulation and a growth mindset will help your child conquer the challenge of learning to read and write. 

Self Regulation Fuels Learning

Learning to cooperate with others, listen, follow directions, and persevere are skills that don’t come naturally to most children. These skills have to be learned and practiced in real life situations. Teachers are reporting that more children are having difficulty with self regulation than their peers did 5 years earlier. There are likely many reasons for this, but two that stand out are social isolation in early life and an increase in solitary screen time. 

Self Regulation skills give your child the tools they need to work with adults and peers to solve school and life challenges. Classrooms are busy, noisy places full of energy and emotions that can be overwhelming for children. Helping your child build self regulation skills supports successful learning.

Top Tips for Self-Regulation

1. Teach Self Calming Techniques  

Practice Deep Breathing Techniques: When your child is upset, deep breathing techniques can slow their bodies down and help them regain calm. Practice these techniques during calm times so they know what to do when big emotions take over. Make the practice memorable.

For example, talk about favorite smells that you are pretending to breathe in and the bubbles you are softly blowing away as you breathe out. Or, count your breath - count to 4 as you breathe in, count 7 as you hold the breath, and count 8 as you breathe out.   

Create a Calming Space: Create a quiet area with a basket of soft toys, books, a pillow, and calming activities where your child can relax when they feel overwhelmed. Add some visuals for breathing techniques and pics of happy life moments to shift the focus to positive thoughts. 

2. Foster Focus Finding

Use a Visual Timer: Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and encourage your child to independently play or work on a task until the timer rings. To get buy-in, give them options for choosing the activity and selecting the amount of time. They’ll also be more engaged if they get to manage the timer. 

Small Steps: Teach your child how to take a bigger task and break it into smaller parts. For example, take pics of them doing each of the steps needed to get ready for bed - change into pajamas, brush teeth, choose and read books, turn on the night light, and snuggle into bed. Post the pics and instead of telling them what to do, remind them to check the pics.

3. Support Listening and Turn Taking

Role Model Active Listening: When you are having a conversation with your child, model what good listening looks like - turn your body towards them, use positive facial gestures and nods, and ask questions to continue the conversation. Then, encourage them to do the same when you are speaking.

Play Games: Card games, board games, playing with toys, and sports are fun ways to practice taking turns. These activities involve cooperation, active listening, losing with grace, and patience. When you model positive behaviors, your child sees what enjoying activities with others looks like in action, not just in words.

Communication Sparks Growth

Communication is a key skill needed for life. Part of growing up and becoming more independent is learning to speak for yourself. Good communication helps children convey their thoughts, feelings, and ideas to others. It’s important to help your child become a good communicator so they feel comfortable with other adults when you are not there. 

Your child will be more confident in their ability to overcome learning challenges when they can confidently communicate with other adults. Knowing how to ask for help when needed can make an amazing difference to their progress.

Studies show that learning to read can create challenges for children who may see themselves as poorer readers than their peers. Poor reading ability causes anxiety and creates a cycle of negative thinking which becomes a road block to improvement. When the learning becomes challenging, good communication skills will help your child voice frustrations and get adult support to overcome the roadblocks to reading. 

Top Tips for Communication Skills

1. Ask for Help When Needed 

Encourage your child to speak to other adults to communicate their needs. They could check out their own books at the library, order their own meal in a restaurant, and talk to store clerks when they are out shopping with you. These small steps help build confidence and independence in advocating for themselves. 

2. Build Vocabulary

Reading books is one of the easiest ways to build rich vocabulary. Books contain words and sentence structures that are not commonly used in everyday language. They introduce children to places, ideas, and concepts that go beyond their circle of experiences. 

It’s also helpful to use more complex words when you are talking with your child. For example, you might use the words liquid or fluid to describe water and talk about how i quenches our thirst. Using complex words and then repeating the sentence with more common words increases vocabulary and comprehension, two skills that are necessary for becoming a strong reader. 

3. Create Strong Relationships

Strong family bonds give your child the confidence they need to face challenges in life. Well known child psychologist, Urie Bronfenbrenner, famously stated, "Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her." The unusual choice of the words “irrationally crazy” was intended to emphasize how important it is for children to know they have a cheerleader in life who has an unwavering belief in their worth and potential. 

As a parent, you are the most important person in your child’s life. You are the cheerleader who can help them build confidence which supports growth, independence, and well-being. Your belief that your child’s abilities are limitless helps them navigate challenges, take risks, and reach their full potential.  

A Growth Mindset Builds Resilience for Learning 

Humans have the unique ability to improve themselves and their situation in life. The desire to do this is fueled by a growth mindset and a belief that with time and effort you can learn most anything you want to. Children who have a growth mindset understand that life is full of challenges that can be overcome. They know how to solve problems and bounce back from adversity.

Top Tips for Building a Growth Mindset

1. Model Problem Solving 

Help your child build a growth mindset by modeling problem solving. To do this, think out loud when you are solving a problem, and invite them to help you with solutions. This allows your child to hear the steps you take as you work through the process and provides practice in brainstorming possible solutions.

2. Praise Effort 

Help your child understand that learning takes practice and effort. Talk with them about their potential for change and growth. Encourage your child to keep trying when something is hard. In time, they will begin to realize that effort matters and yields positive results.

For example: When your child is learning to read, encourage risk taking to sound out unknown words. Don’t worry about perfection. If a minor error doesn’t affect the meaning of what they read, ignore it. 

3. Be Patient 

Just as you know your child well, they also know you well. They can sense when you are feeling frustrated or impatient with them. Teach them how to take breaks and come back to a task with new energy and a fresh perspective.

For example: If your child finds it too challenging to read a whole book, take turns reading a sentence, paragraph, or page. Or, have them read the easy words, and you read the hard ones. Conquering small challenges keeps the learning manageable and soon add up to mastering big ones.

Social Emotion Skills are Important for Learning

Learning is hard. It makes your child’s brain and body feel tired. Learning to read is challenging because the language we hear is written down in code. Your child has to learn the alphabetic code to become a strong reader. There are 26 lower case and 26 upper case alphabet letters and ~44 phonemes. It takes time, patience, and perseverance to learn the code and use it to blend and segment words to become a fluent reader. Building strong social emotional skills that support self regulation and a growth mindset will help your child conquer any learning challenge. 

We're here to help, so before you leave grab some FREEBIES and order your Alphabites game pack today. With the playful 5 minute a day games included in the pack, your child will quickly learn letter sounds and shapes to begin their reading journey.

Maybe your child is stuck in their reading journey. We're happy to provide tips that will get them back on track. Email us anytime.  

Sources

Brendtro, L.K. (2006). The vision of Urie Bronfenbrenner: Adults who are crazy about kids. Reclaiming Children and Youth, 15, 3. pp. 162-166. https://cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cyconline-nov2010-brendtro.html#:~:text=U

Francis, D. A., Caruana, N., Hudson, J. L., & McArthur, G. M. (2019). The association between poor reading and internalising problems: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical psychology review, 67, 45-60. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735817302556?via%3Dihub 

Irwin, V., Wang, K., Tezil, T., Zhang, J., Filbey, A., Jung, J., ... & Parker, S. (2023). Report on the Condition of Education 2023. NCES 2023-144rev. National Center for Education Statistics. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED630121.pdf 

Martin, K. J., Beck, A. F., Xu, Y., Szumlas, G. A., Hutton, J. S., Crosh, C. C., & Copeland, K. A. (2022). Shared reading and risk of social-emotional problems. Pediatrics, 149(1). Link

Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2012). Mindsets that promote resilience: When students believe that personal characteristics can be developed. Educational psychologist, 47(4), 302-314. https://docdrop.org/static/drop-pdf/YeagerDweck2012-VkEmK.pdf